I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
