Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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