he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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