OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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