Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
