It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize