this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
