Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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