my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize