shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this is an emotional support booty call
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