Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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