so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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