Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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