Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
