Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
