so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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