theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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