I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
