my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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