Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
