Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize