that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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