I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
