oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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