so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
