i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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