She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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