i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
