I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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