I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
