I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize