If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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