Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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