i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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