Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
