Whod you bang
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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