when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize