i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
