Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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