There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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