There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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