dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
