i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
