don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
