Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize