i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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