He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
