i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize