Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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