I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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