guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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