so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize