I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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