Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize