me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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