Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
