I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
