Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't make out with my wife yet
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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