Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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