I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
