Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
