Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
