so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
