I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
