I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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