A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
