i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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