I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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