Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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