I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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