Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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