Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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