There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
