so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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