dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
