we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
