Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
