what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
