I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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