what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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