I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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