I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize