He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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