there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
