I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
