But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
