Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
