I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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