Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
